A guy asked his Dad to get him a bike.
Dad got angry and asked "Why has God given you two legs?"
Guy answered "One to apply brake and other to change gears"
H2O
There is a similarity between a woman's tears and Cauvery water...
Both will come in less quantities but will create big problems.
MIXED BAG
Smugglers and thieves would never use "shoulder bags".
Because... athu "maatikira" pai (a bag which gets caught - in Tamil)
NAMES & TAGS
An "outstanding" student never stands outside the class.
A "promising" cricketer never lights camphor to prove it.
A "fast moving" mosquito coil is branded "tortoise".
FAST AND FURIOUS
Wife gives a hint to husband to buy a car saying
"Darling... get me something which goes from 0 to 80 in 3 seconds when I am on it"
Husband gifted her a "Weighing Machine"
PARROT & PEACOCK
What is the difference between Parrot & Peacock?
Parrot is "Josiya" Paravai (Astrological Bird)
Peacock is "Desiya" Paravai (National Bird)
HAZARDS OF FASHION
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
PREDICTION FOR A FROG
One day a Frog asked an astrologer "what's my future?"
Astrologer said "a beautiful girl will touch every part of your body".
Excited frog asked "When, where and how?"
Astrologer replied - "next month in BIO PRACTICALS"
OLD STUDENT
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
SELECTIVE MEMORY
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:
Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!
PATHETIC SERIAL
Husband is watching tv and crying....
Wife: Why are you crying? which serial ur watching?
Husband: its not serial its our marriage CD....
EXPIRY DATE
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date
CLEVER CUSTOMER
Mr.X: I lost my cheque book
Bank Manager: Be careful. Somebody may sign like you and encash
Mr.X: I am not a fool. I have already signed in all the leaves
BEING "LOAN"LY
Mr.X availed loan to buy a car. He could not repay promptly and the
bankers took away the car.
Mr.X reacted "Had I known this before, I would have availed loan
for my marriage"
PENALTY SHOOT OUT
Mr.X and his wife went on an African Safari, while a lion suddenly dragged
Mr.X's wife with its jaws.
Wife screamed: "Come on... quick... shoot him... shoot him"
Mr.X replied: "Wait... Let me change the battery of my camera first"
ONE IN A HUNDRED
99 friends of Mr.X died in an accident.
News Reporter: What happened?
Mr.X: We were all waiting for the train and suddenly there was announcement
"Train will arrive at Platform No.3". Then immediately all my friends
jumped on to the track
Reporter: Thank God. At least you had the presence of mind and stayed on
Mr.X: Who said? I actually wanted to commit suicide by staying on the platform itself
"LANE" EXCUSE
In an 800m Race, athletes were ready to run. The announcement came "1, 2, 3 Start".
Mr.X didn't start while others kept running.
Organiser asked "Mr.X... what are you waiting for?"
Mr.X replied... "I am in Lane 4... It's not for me"
UNINTERESTING BOOK
Mr.X: This book is quite boring. Too many characters but no story...
Librarian: So, you are the culprit who took away the entry register...
COSTLY MISS
Mr.X read a news "Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump"
Mr.X commented "who asked him to wear the medal while jumping"
TOO MANY COOKS
Mr.X and three of his friends together started a petrol pump.
There was not a single customer to the pump.
Then they realised their mistake. The pump was installed in the first floor by mistake.
They closed the business and bought a Taxi. No customer approached them, as all the four were seated in the Taxi while searching for customers.
One day the Taxi broke down. All the four pushed the Taxi but it was in the same place even after a long time. Because two of them pushed at front and the other two pushed at the back.
Mr.X and his friends lost heart. They sold the taxi and took a bold step....
They planned properly and kidnapped a school girl...
They threatened her saying "Convince your dad and get us five lakhs...
Otherwise we will kill you...."
Girl agreed and went back home....
Girl's father promptly reached their place and paid five lakhs...
Later on Mr.X came to know that the girl's father was a friend of Mr.X....
SANTA COMBO
10 Santas and a girl were hanging below rescue helicopter with rope.
pilot said that one must leave because of overload. the girl said that
she will sacrifice. Then santas started clapping.
************************
Santa: I havent slept all night in the train
Friend: Why?
Santa: Got upper berth
Friend: Why didnt you exchange with the man in the lower berth
Santa: because there was no one in the lower berth.
************************
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Santa: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
************************
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes to china to find meaning of friend's last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON THE OXYGEN TUBE!"
************************
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Santa:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
************************
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
************************
Santa proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'..........
Santa said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
************************
Santa told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Santa: So what take an umbrella and go.
************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
************************
2 Santas were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
************************
Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 daysago,
he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
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Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
************************
Salesman:This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Santa:That is great, I will take two of them
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Santa: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Banta: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!
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Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
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